Your loved ones and their belongings are deserve to be handled with care and processed in your own time and manner. Grief is deeply personal and how we grieve is as unique as our relationships. Here are a few encouragements we’d like to share, based on our own experiences as well as some of what we have learned from working with our client’s walking this journey.
Thank you for allowing us to enter into your homes and lives during these sacred, dynamic, and emotional times that loss brings about.
Honor the legacy and memories.
Remember and cherish what comes up as you go through belongings. It’s ok to cry, to laugh, and everything else in between. For some, this process is very emotional and for others it is not difficult and that’s ok! We recommend starting in areas of a home that are low-sentiment level like a garage, linen closet, or kitchen drawers then moving to more sentimental areas like clothing, jewelry, and keepsakes. If you come across surprisingly meaningful mementos or photos during this time - you might consider making copies or framing them to share with other family members. Know yourself - if you are fearful to be overwhelmed by embarking on this journey alone, invite a friend or loved one to do this with you. If you are hoping for more time and space to process individually, do this on your own. However you decide to approach it, this can be a very healing experience.
Take your time (when this is possible).
It is wise to pay attention to timelines related to financial institutions, payment schedules, legal requirements for wills and trusts, etc. We recommend going at your own pace and not rushing the sentimental and more emotional items. Wait for family members to be able to do it together. Create a non-hurried and calm environment when possible. We know this is not always an option but there can be a rich sweetness to the process when it is at a pace that feels fitting to the loved ones doing it. Creating a timeline can help keep everyone on track.
Ask for help.
Be kind. To yourself and to everyone involved in this process. Everyone grieves differently and there is no one “right” way to go through the process and emotions that accompany loss. Give yourself simple categories when organizing: Keep, Donate (or sell), Discard (recycle or trash), and Undecided. Be sure to include the right people in the hands on work of sorting and deciding. Our team is able to lighten the load for many of our clients in this situation as we take some of the burden off of direct family members by handling belongings.
We can help in a variety of ways:
Sorting and creating an inventory of collections and belongings
Assisting family members with decision making around furniture and decor
Packing and removing items for donation
Packing and labeling items to be kept/stored or dispersed to individuals
Creating a plan and timeline for emptying a home/apartment/assisted living unit
Often times, folks find it helpful to have a professional counselor walk through this process with them as well. We highly recommend reaching out and finding someone to talk to as you navigate your own grief. Check out a previous blog we shared featuring Margaret Page, a wonderful woman who is a certified grief educator and counselor. GriefShare is another great resource to find support.
Find meaning anywhere you can.
Integrate special items into your daily life to be used instead of packing them away in a box to be “remembered”. Use their favorite dish towel, hang a piece of art they cherished in your home, burn a scented candle in your home that they loved. Do a bit of research to determine the most appropriate non-profit/church/organization to donate items. Even in the act of letting go of belongings, you can honor your loved ones wishes and passions.
Ask yourself these questions when sorting items…
Do I/does anyone in the family genuinely want or need this?
Does this item bring joy or useful function?
Does it carry too much pain or anxiety to keep?
AHEAD OF TIME.
It may not be comfortable or easy to talk about death, but we highly encourage folks to have meaningful conversations about what matters most to them and what they would like to happen with certain items (of high value or meaning) when they are gone. This can eliminate confusion and questions when the day comes. It gives us each agency, to think ahead and make meaningful decisions while we are able to. The very best time to proactively consider these things, is now. It doesn’t have to be intimidating or overwhelming, and you might be surprised at how loving it may feel to be asked. Lots of folks may not have ever thought about it, so prompting the question of how you can best honor their wishes by asking what they’d like to happen with their belongings is a great place to start.
Another way you might consider honoring the story and life of your loved ones, is by working with Meg Davis, of Telling More Stories. After experiencing the unexpected loss of her own grandfather, she started her own storytelling company whose mission is to tell and preserve family stories for future generations. Imagine the joy of giving and/or receiving a gift like this.
You don’t have to do this alone. Let us help you sort through your loved one’s belongings with care and compassion. We are here to lighten the load and honor your memories.
